L.O.W II
I've been feeling low recently. A personal low, it has crept up on me over the last month or two, but only really made its presence felt in the last 48 hours. Hard to explain? No, not really. Elementary, rational, here are the facts:
I am a medical student in my 5th year of training.
I do not, technically, have a job.
I am 28 and feel a need to work, to be useful.
I am not currently doing either of these things. In fact, I am dissuaded from doing either of these things. I lurk in corridors, devoid of responsibility and purpose, a liability, a waste of everyone's time, useless.
I am frustrated.
And what frustrates me more is that I should be enjoying these carefree times. I shouldn't be wishing them away, but taking advantage of them, relishing the lie-ins, the half-days, the lack of bleep. I talk to enough doctors to know that these are the times to savour; ever after is a struggle, an uphill, exhausting, spirit-sapping struggle.
But it is this that is making me feel low. This knowledge of what's to come combined with my age-induced desire to get there is to blame for this cloud of discontent. I am ready for this career to begin, but when I look ahead to it, I'm not sure I like much of what I see.
Having already cut short one career to embark on this one, such simmering feelings are hard to interpret with complete honesty, and even harder to manage. Hence the L.O.W of yesterday and today.
posted by Pekar @ 10:05 PM
4 Comments:
true but we have ourselves a great plan! nothing is fucked man as jeff might say...
g
I reached my low point (I hope)last week. Some good advice helped, but ultimately the situation has not changed, just my way of dealing with it.
What are your options? The way I see it, you might as well finish off the old MBBS so you can stick in your back pocket. Then you'll need to choose whether you want to work like a dog for the rest of your life or not. But until then mate, enjoy the bleep-free weekends, enjoy your nights and miss as many lectures as you can get away with. Then when you ARE doing all the shit shifts this time next year, you won't mind so much.
I tried to burn my copy of "GMC today" in the kitchen sink this afternoon. I am not joking. Unfortunately it is laminated and doesn't catch fire. I even tried pouring vegetable oil on it. It ended up in the bin.
You didn't cut short one career to start this one. You put it out of it's misery. That was your bravest moment, in some ways. Now we're all dealing with the outcome.
Part of me still wishes you'd stayed a writer. You and I could do something important together right now. But you chose medecine, and for that i have no other option but to applaud you.
But you know it would be even easier now than it would have been to make your living writing. Just say the word.
Hope Sarah's wedding was fun. Kind of wish I'd been there.
K
Am sorry you feel this way. I do hope you feel better soon. For what it's worth, you're not alone in feeling this way, and the vast majority of medical students do make it as doctors. Your contribution to the medical world will be a great one :)
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